Stu Jenks' Fezziwig Press: "A 100,000 Prayers" (c) 2007

"A 100,000 Prayers" (c) 2007

June, 1982:

I went to Bo's wedding in Chicago. Nice girl, Cathy. We were all surprised. (Bo had a long history of dating crazy girls. Cathy wasn't. They recently celebrated 25 years together.) I then proceeded West. Plan was a bit vague. First visit Eric in San Francisco and surprise Lisa while I'm there (She wasn't happy to see me), then swing south to Tucson and visit my Uncle Len and Aunt Virginia for the first time. (My Chevy Two broke down there, I became lovers with my cousin's roommate, had my first real live Déjà Vu in my life and feel in love with the desert. After returning to North Carolina it wasn't six mouths before I was back in Tucson.) I had plenty of Pot, some mushrooms and some acid with me. Ate the psilocybin on the drive up to Chicago, switched to Acid in Minnesota. Saw wheat fields below huge violent storm clouds in South Dakota. Saw the Badlands and more magnificent rain near Wall. And for some reason I stumbled onto Bear Butte. Don't know how I found out about it. I hiked to the top that day and placed a whirligig there as my prayer token. I remember halfway up the mountain, that the acid and the pot had been overpowered by the spiritual energy of the place. I remember a saying by Bo, that Pot is OK for boring things but for exciting, and powerful places, it just takes away from it. He was right. I knew some about the plight of the Plain Indians in 1982. Was deeply moved by all of the prayer bundles on all of the trees. But I was still spiritually and emotional lost and confused. Didn't make me a bad person. Just an artistically flaky guy, who couldn't face his own inadequacies, much less face life on life's terms.

Monday, October 15^th, 2007:

My brain no longer runs on THC and LSD, but my veins do have caffeine and nicotine in them this morning. I have my own tobacco prayer bundles with me this time. Tony instructed me well on how to make them. 'Use the colors of red, black, white, and yellow,' he said. 'Cut the cloth into two to four inch squares, take a pinch of tobacco and as you place it on the cloth and tie the bundle, pray for a specific person or thing.' That's just what I did last week in my studio.

I'm now in the parking lot at Bear Butte State Park. Round 9 a.m. One other car and no one else. Even the visitors' center is closed for the season. The mountain is mostly naked of trees now. Bad fire came though in 1996, but it's still beautiful. I grab my camera gear, my water and my bundles and head for the trailhead. The summit's obscured with early morning rain clouds. I can put up my hand and feel the power of the place.

Immediately I start seeing prayer bundles. I smile. I bet some folk just don't need to get to the top. 'You go, son,' says the old Cheyenne man with bad hips. 'I'll just tie mine here and wait for you at the truck.' It's very cold, around freezing today. Got the heavy coat, hat and gloves on. I pull the bill down of my cap, to shelter my glasses from the drizzle and press on.

All the way up, I see bundles. Small ones, large ones, long ones, short ones. I fell pulled up the mountain as if by unseen hands. 90% of the trees were destroyed in the fire but that just means that almost every surviving Pine has a prayer bundle or two or twenty tied to its branches. It's pretty easy hiking until I accidentally get off the trail near the top and have to crab it up the final hundred yard of talus rock to get to the summit. But that's fine. A little healthy struggle is a good thing. In no time, I'm 1200 feet above the Great Plains below.

What is it about a spiritual place be it Bear Butte, a holy place for Lakota, Cheyenne and other Indians for hundreds of years, or St. Francis of Assisi Cathedral in Santa Fe, or Norte Dame in Paris or The Standing Stones of Callanish in Scotland. Is it about the place alone? The rocks, the buildings themselves? I don't think so. I think it's the collective prayerful energy over many years that transform a mountain or a church into a deeply holy place. It's the people bringing their energy, day after day, leaving their hopes, sadnesses, joys and fears that makes Bear Butte and other holy places the psychically glowing spots they are. It's the product of a 100,000 prayers by 100,000 people.

Sometimes I just can't speak about what I experienced. The talking just doesn't work. And coming from me, that's saying something, that speech become limited. It's like trying to describe what a Chopin Nocturne sounds like to someone who can't hear. Like attempting to specifically quantitate the chemistry between lovers, and tell someone else who has never felt that passion. It's seems wanting, words do sometimes. Music sometimes can do it. Art, Dance too. Words are far down the line I think, at least to me. Maybe Charles could brew up some phrases, but I'm having a hard time.

So:

I had some experiences on top of Bear Butte. I took some pictures. I have no adequate words.

I can tell you this. This has words.

On the way down, I said to myself, " I want to come back here and hike this peak again, in 25 years, when I'm 77 years old."

Without hesitation, the quiet still voice within and without said, "You keep doing what you are doing, and you ain't going to make it to 77."

I didn't even have to ask but I did.

"You need to quit smoking. Not today, not next week but within a year," it said.

"I figured it was that," I said to the disembodied voice.

"And you also need to get more sleep. That's hurting you too."

"OK, OK!"

"And finally."

"There's more?"

The still voice repeats, "And finally, you need to stop eating so late at night."

"Anything else I need to change?" I was mildly pissed, but mostly amused. I figured the smoking, but I didn't expect a little list of inadequacies.

"That's it. Quit smoking, sleep more, and eat earlier."

I'm smiling but it's a weak grin. I sometimes forget that when you visit a holy place, what God, Goddess or your Gut has to say, will at least half of the time be things you'd rather not hear. But on the flip side, the benefits are greater and magnificent yet difficult to describe.

Like the power of the colorful bundles on Bear Butte.

Halloween, 2007:

I was inspired by what I saw at Bear Butte. Could see that objects I want to make in my mind's eye. Mentioned the new project to a friend or two. They didn't seem too excited about it, or maybe they were worried about the fallout from the Indian community.

Usually I don't write about art projects before I do them, but it feels right here, or maybe I'm just want validation from the blogosphere. Probably I just need to say it alound and see what hell or heaven transpires.

Well, here goes:

I going to make my own prayer bundles, different from the Plains Indians but similar enough that I'll probably be accused of ripping them off, or different enough that I'll catch shit either way. But again, I've seen them in my mind for days, weeks, while on my trip and after. They're big, long, colorful, made not with tobacco but with lavender flowers. Hung from walls as well as from trees. Hung in homes and in the desert. And they will be both give away also sold. Flame on.

In my defense, the reason I'm moved to make these Lavender Bundles is to make objects that are specifically spiritual, not just implied like in my circle, hoop and spiral photos but explicitly for worship, meditation and prayer. It will give me great joy to see one of these hung in a friend's bedroom or a stranger's hallway, as an object of prayer. I'll take the risk of heat. I'm not using tobacco. I'm not trying to be an Indian. I'm just going where the Muse takes me, and I think it's going to take me to Aqua Vita to buy lavender and Jo-Ann's to buy fabric this weekend.

Stay tuned. We'll see what happens.

And Happy Halloween to you all and Happy Birthday to my mother Mary.