Stu Jenks' Fezziwig Press

"The Hole In The Sky Group, Rhododendron Wood, North Carolina” © Stu Jenks 2021 [Extended Family Series}

“The Hole In The Sky Group, Rhododendron Wood, North Carolina” © 2021, 58 inches tall.

Price: $175, shipping included. Simply contact me via my email address at [email protected] or Facebook message me, if you would like to purchase one of my pieces. Payments can be made with Paypal, Venmo or credit card with Square. All pieces are signed with its title, and can be hung from the wall. Love y'all, Stu.

 

A.A members are anonymous to the world, but the A.A. groups are not. Their physical and Zoom meeting addresses are on the internet for all to see and for all to find. Here is the link to the Google Doc of all the Zoom meetings of Hole In The Sky. The physical HITS location will open soon in Woodland Hills, Los Angeles, California.

So in A.A. and other 12 Step groups, there are Traditions, bylaws really, on how A.A. groups and members are to behave, in order to not hurt the Fellowship and make 12 groups as welcoming as possible. The 11th Tradition of Alcoholic Anonymous reads as such:

"Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films." (Cocaine Anonymous includes the word 'television' in the grouping of medias)

You may have noticed one huge omission. The Internet.

So in 2021, people are now more public, in big and small ways, regarding their 12 Step recovery on the internet and other places too. I wish it wasn't so sometimes, but the genie is way out of the bottle now. Yes, I worry that some may be turned off to 12 Step fellowships if they don't like someone in the press who mentions they are in AA, but these days, I don't think that matters that much. Hell, people find all kinds of small reasons to be pissed off at people they don't even know. And sometimes, if done respectful, a small violation of the 11th Tradition can actually help save lives, like Marc Maron's extremely obtuse mentionings of "The Secret Society" and "Doing the thing" on his WTF podcast. People really have gone to meetings after hearing Marc talk about the Program. He has the emails to provide it.

Anyway, I don't know why I'm saying all this, maybe just to justify prior posts of this website regarding 12 Step programs and my experiences in A.A. and C.A.. But I do know this. I hope to make the Fellowships as welcoming to the newcomer as possible. We are here and we're free, and we'll help you all as best we can. Your recovery is your recovery, but we who have been around for a while have seen things that work and that don't work.

Work? Doing the 12 Steps, preferably with a sponsor you like and trust; going to meetings often, IRL and/or on Zoom; being a service to others, both in and outside of the Program; and finding and practicing your own specific spirituality, be it cosmic muffin or a higher power.

Don't work too well? Resisting help from others, saying "I've got this"; hanging out with other using and drinking buddies; carrying grudges; continue to be dishonest with people you love and who love you; projecting too much into the future and not staying in the moment; and more.

People make up the Program (damn it), and people can screw things up in the Program with their judgment, their pettiness, their control issues, their impatience and their unresolved issues. It happens.

But at the daily Hole In The Sky's 6:45 a.m. PDT (9:45 a.m. EDT) meeting, you'll find compassionate, kind, smart, caring, spiritual people who give a damn. Yes, there are one or two pains in the asses (You guys have no idea who you are), but having only one or two is a minor miracle. A good 1/4 of all A.A. members are know-it-alls. To have only two pieces-of-work in a meeting of over a 100 people is wondrous.

So check out HITS. They have Zoom meetings throughout the day and this new club house in Woodlands Hills, Los Angeles, will be opening soon.

They are lovely people truly. I'm there a few mornings a week, just to feel the love. And to be of some small service, as I can.

Love you guys.

Stu.

 

#holeinthesky, #extendedfamilyseries, #stujenks

"Sharon & Lorenzo H., Magnolia Wood, North Carolina" (c) 2021 Stu Jenks [Extended Family Series]

“Sharon & Lorenzo H., Magnolia Wood, North Carolina” © Stu Jenks 2021, 54 inches tall.

Price: NFS. In the collection of S & L H.

 

So who in the devil are Sharon and Lorenzo. Well, I'm not saying. Heck, that's not even their real names. I know them from a certain 12 Step meeting I attend regularly and I love them both a lot.

"Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding use to place principles before personalities." as it says in the 12th Tradition. It was hip to be a member of a 12 Step fellowship back in the 1980's and 90's, at least in Tucson, Arizona and parts of California. Not anymore. There is a stigma now. That's to be expected I suppose, but I think I need to be mindful that not everyone is going to applaud that I'm a member of A.A. or C.A. Many people have been hurt by addiction and some people have be hurt by people saying they are working a program of recovery. It's sad but true.

Anywho, here's some more 12 Step ramblings from me.

 

There are many slogans and sayings in 12 Step groups, some I hate, many I like.

“One day at a time.”

I love that phrase. It’s not an original thought from the AA founders but it’s perhaps one of the most powerful and longest lasting.

“JDFD. JDFU. Just don’t fucking drink. Just don’t fucking use.”

Love it. This may be specific to Tucson 12 step but I’m not sure. We are cussing sons of guns in the Sonoran Desert.

“Think, think, think.”

Not a fav at all. I understand this is about thinking before you drink, but I’m a feelings guy. How I'm feeling is a more important question to ask that what I thinking, and isn’t obsessing and the obsession a good half of the problem? I’m not against knowledge, science and wisdom, but too much thinking and not enough feeling has gotten me and a lot of other people in trouble.

And then there are the musings from a guy I'll call Indiana Rob. Been listening to his words for decades.

“I know I have another relapse in me, but I don’t know if I have another recovery in me.”

So true and so sad. Many who leave recovery don’t make it back. Frankly, they die years before their time and hurt a lot of people along the way.

“In the past, I used God as a spiritual Valium.”

I hear you brother. I did that too. Classic Rob chestnut.

“You can’t make an alcoholic drink but you sure can make ‘em thirsty.” Testify, brother. You got that right.

This is just a couple of Indiana Rob's great shares from the past.

And then there was Nathan.

Nathan has been dead for decades but he was valuable member of AA in Tucson, Arizona. He died way too young from cancer but he was sober when he passed. Even these many years later, Nathan is still quoted, particularly this one statement:

“If beating ourselves up worked, we would all be well now.”

Rest in peace, Nathan. You mean a lot to many.

#stujenks, #extendedfamilyseries, #12stepstuff

 

"Where am I and what time is it?"

“Where am I and what time is it?”

I think I was around three years sober or so, the late 1980’s. I was walking around Monument Valley in Utah. You know the place. Right Mitten, Left Mitten, John Ford movies. I had parked at the visitor’s center and had walked a half of a mile or so toward The Three Sisters, three tall pillars of sandstone off one of the mesas. I was obsessing about something; either not having enough money or some woman or my job or I really don't remember what I was thinking, but I was driving myself crazy.

Then I remembered Ram Dass’ 1971 square blue book, Be Here Now. I didn’t remember much from it, but I did remember the concept of being present in the moment, staying there as best I can, and how important that is to happy living.

I looked around at the stunning desert beauty of Monument Valley. I gazed up toward The Three Sisters and then back at The Mittens. I smiled and shook my head.

I’m fucking this all up.

I’m off living in Future Land, worrying about something I can do nothing about, at least right now. I’m in Monument Valley, for Christ’s sake.

Then, I thought of a sentence. I believe I said it out loud.

“Where am I? I’m here. What time is it? It’s now.”

I took a deep breath and settled into the moment. I took another breath. Then another. My worries didn’t completely disappeared but they sure did lessen. I continued to smile.

“I need to share this in a meeting when I get home,” I said to myself.

And I did.

And I have.

Fast forward to 2021.

I was in a early morning A.A. Zoom meeting from Los Angeles. Then I heard a member of that group say this:

“It’s like one of our group member's says, ‘Where am I? And what time is it?. I'm here. It's now."

I stared disbelievingly at the screen. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I didn’t think people really listened to me that close. I smiled weakly and my eyes misted up. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

It was a very good morning.

 

 

(Photo credits: "Monument Valley Road, Utah", "Pamela's Baby Rocking Chair, Monument Valley, Utah" and "Nannie's Mirror, The Three Sisters, Monument Valley, Utah" (c) 2021 Stu Jenks.

“To The Addict Who Still Suffers, Magnolia Wood, North Carolina” © Stu Jenks 2021 [Extended Family Series]

“To The Addict Who Still Suffers, Magnolia Wood, North Carolina” © Stu Jenks 2021, 50 inches tall, $150

Price: $150, shipping included. Simply contact me via my email address at [email protected] or Facebook message me, if you would like to purchase one of my pieces. Payments can be made with Paypal, Venmo or credit card with Square. All pieces are signed with its title, and can be hung from the wall. Love y'all, Stu.

 

[Nothing I write here on this site is the opinion of any 12 Step group or world service organization. They are only mine. Yes, I'm violating a Tradition or two by posting this, but, in this time of social media, it doesn't appear the Traditions matter was much as they used to think. I can still hurt AA and CA with my opinions but I'm truly trying not to do that. Anyway, I speak for myself, no one else.]

 

In 1985, after having been sober for around 6 months, I told my therapist Dan Mayercek that I wanted to write a book about my life. He laughed loudly. I pouted.
“Every addict wants to write a book,” he said. “I’d wait on that.”
I pouted some more.

In 2012, I wrote a recovery, post-apocalyptic novel, Step Zero, set in the year 2076. That book and the three others in the series featured recovery and recovering folk but it was mostly a tale about how hope and love can grow even in the worst of times. I do think I got the 12 step meetings right in the books, but the Step Zero series became more about the characters’ lives and struggles and not just about their recovery from addiction.

So here I am, in North Carolina in 2021. Over the past couple of years, I’ve made a bunch of walking sticks and other wall pieces, honoring friends, family and other people I admire. One of those sticks is for the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill W.

And then a dangerous thing happened. I thought I might have something to say. I have been sober for 36 years, don’t you know (doesn’t mean I know anything) and I have worked in the recovery field for over 25 years as a therapist. (There, I’ve learned some things, or at least I think I have.)

Here’s how it gets complicated. If I was simply a counselor sharing my opinions, that’s fine, but I’m also a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and Cocaine Anonymous and publicly, I’m not even supposed to say I’m a member. But I just did. Nothing, nothing, I say here is the opinion of any 12 Step fellowship as a whole. It’s just what I think and what I think I know about recovery. And by the time the sun goes down, I may have changed my mind on some things, so take all of this with a container of salt.

So here goes:

Below is my assessment of the 12 Steps. I use the plural ‘we’ instead of the singular ‘I’ because that's how the original 12 Steps were written. This is supposed to be funny but I also believe it’s true.

 

The 12 Steps In 60 Seconds by Stu Jenks.

 

Step One: When we drink alcohol or do drugs or whatever, our lives go completely to hell and all rational decision-making goes straight out the window. We’re screwed.

 

Step Two & Three: God, or something greater than ourselves, can help us become unscrewed. We choose our own ideas about God. God Is Love will work for instance.

 

Steps Four & Five: People can help us too. And we might as well take a good hard look at yourselves while we’re at it.

Steps Six & Seven: There’s going to be other stuff we’re going to have to work on throughout our sober lives. Forgive ourselves as best we can. Forgive others too.

Steps Eight & Nine: There’s a bunch of people out there who would really appreciate a sincere apology from us. Commit to being a better person in the future. Recovery is not simply about not drinking or using or whatever. It’s about being better.

Steps Ten, Eleven & Twelve: Keep doing what we’ve been doing up to this point. Continue to be sweet. Give more to others. Be willing to change. Try to be happy. Oh. And don’t drink alcohol or use drugs or whatever, while you doing all the above.

 

“We’re here and we’re free” is the motto of Cocaine Anonymous. We are free from cocaine and all mood altering chemicals and it doesn’t cost a thing to be a member. We’re also physically here for you too, from Los Angeles to Cape Town, South Africa. We are all here to help. We truly are.

 

I’m not an 12 Step fundamentalist. I believe much has been learned in the treatment of addiction and mental health since Bill wrote the Big Book in the mid 1930’s. To paraphrase the popular AA speaker, Bob Earll, “I’m not going to get brain surgery from a doctor who, the last book he read on the subject was written in 1935.” That being said, the simplicity and brevity of the 12 Steps are a marvelous spiritual path that deepens with each passing year in sobriety. And I’m really happy that the surgeon who took out my prostate in 2020 had a robotic video game as a tool, not just a sharp knife like how they did that surgery 20 years ago.

 

I’m grateful that when I got sober in the mid 1980’s, the concept of toxic family shame and the importance of owning and sharing one’s feelings was at the forefront of psychotherapy. To be blunt, if I didn’t learn from Dan, Levi and other therapists I saw, how to identify and express my angers, fears, shame, guilt, and sadnesses, and how that related to my family of origin and what I experience as a child, I don’t think I would be sober today, but less be joyful. And if I were sober without psychotherapy, I would probably be very stuck, miserable and more than a little suicidal. I have my difficulties now but I’m not hopeless at all. I’m reasonable happy most of the time, and I think I make other people happy too. To quote another AA member from years ago, “I didn’t get sober to be a doormat and to be miserable.”

 

OK, that's it for now. More sober musings will go on my site in the future. Unless the internet goes crazy over what I've just said. I sure hope it doesn't.

Love and light, Stu.

 

#totheaddictwhostillsuffers, #stujenks, #extendedfamilyseries, #12stuff

“Bill W., Red Maple, North Carolina” © Stu Jenks 2021 [Extended Family Series]

“Bill W., Red Maple, North Carolina” © Stu Jenks 2021, 40 inches by 5 inches.

 

Price: $150, shipping included. Simply contact me via my email address at [email protected] or Facebook message me, if you would like to purchase one of my pieces. Payments can be made with Paypal, Venmo or credit card with Square. All pieces are signed with its title, and can be hung from the wall. Love y'all, Stu.

 

Bill Wilson was one of the co-founders of Alcoholics Anonymous and the author of the book Alcoholics Anonymous (also known as The Big Book) and the book, Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions (also known as The 12 and 12.) If you want to know more about Bill, wiki and google him and you'll find tons. Also, the documentary film, My Name Is Bill W. is excellent.

In a later post, I'll have a few things to say about recovery, therapy and treatment in general, but not here. Respecting the 12 Traditions and all that.

But Bill W. is definitely part of my Extended Family. 

JDFD. ODAAT.

 

#billw, #stujenks, #extendedfamilyseries