"Mom, I saw U2 with Cathy the other night in Phoenix. We had a wonderful time."
"I'm so glad," she says. It's after dinner. Mary's in bed. She's in good spirits in spite of the scary-waking-visions she's having these days. Today is a day when the dementia makes her feel special rather than cursed. She mentioned to me earlier to make sure I go downstairs and get the $50 in an envelope that is on a chair. There is no downstairs, no $50, no chair. I told her I would get the envelope on my way out tonight.
"They sang this song called 'Walk On.'"
"I know that song," she says. She begins to sing a song. I think it's a Roger Miller song. After a bit, I stop her, to finish my story.
"It's a different 'Walk On," I say, regretting immediately that I had cut her off.
"Oh," she says, but looks at me intently without any shame. Just with love and great interest.
"It's a wonderful song," I say, "About those who have died and have gone before us to the Other Side. I thought about Dad and how I miss him, and I thought about you and how I'm going to miss you when you die."
"I hope so," she says.
I don't tell her that I cried though most of the song, not because I feel any shame about that. I just don't want to break down in front of her, right now.
"I'll miss you a lot, Mom."
She then gets this faraway look in her eye. I know the look. She's getting ready to say sometime very loving, very sweet. If she can get it out.
"I know ...it's selfish of me,... but I told someone today,... that I don't know... what I would do... without Stu."
"You don't need to do anything, Mom. I'll be here for you. Always."
"Thank you, Stu."
I let the Love hang in the air. I don't speak. I don't mess it up. I just let the Circle of Love spin between us. Through us. Through all of us.
"...You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly for freedom
Walk on, walk on
What you've got they can't deny it
Can't sell it, can't buy it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight
And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on" - U2
[Photos of U2 were taken from their website.]