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June 30, 2007

"After The Car Bombs" (c) 2005-2007

Bigbeninfrared7red "After The Car Bombs: Big Ben Infrared" (c) 2005-2007 Stu Jenks

[Taken in the Fall of 2005. A long process getting this image from camera to print. Made a big scan of a black and white print at 300 dpi to create an image that is roughly 36 x 36 inches. Dust removal took over a year and a half. Well, not everyday but very laborious nonetheless. I'm guessing about 20 to 30 hours of using the Healing Tool to remove the little white spots of dust. Tried printing a straight black and white print but it was a bit boring. Added a little sepia, then a lot of sepia, then a bit of red, then a whole lot of red. Have already gone the post-apocalyptic route by shooting with infrared film and by tilting Big Ben, I might as well go all the way and make it a very warm and hot image. I personally like that it's hard to tell if it was shot in the daytime or at night. Like that bit of mystery. And ironically, as I was dialing in the final colors, they found two unexploded car bombs in the West End of London.]

June 28, 2007

"Lake Titicaca, Peru" (c) Ben Cole

"Lake Titicaca, Peru" (c) 2007 Steven Ben Cole

[From the camera of British cinematographer and friend Ben Cole, from his recent trip to Lake Titicaca in Peru. By the way, Titicaca is the highest commercially navigable lake in the world, at 12,500 feet above sea level]

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June 26, 2007

"The Rappahannock River at Mollusk, Virginia" (c) 2007

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"The Rappahannock River at Mollusk, Virginia" (c) 2007 Stu Jenks & Ben Heaven

[Many thanks to Ben Heaven for his PC Image Stitching skills. And again, click on the image and it will become much larger.]

June 19, 2007

"I Give You the Moon & the Stars" (c) 2007

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"I Give You the Moon and the Stars" (c) 2007 Stu Jenks

[Double-clicking on the image will make it larger. Taken at the Foothills Spiral near my apartment.]

"Nitro-Menthane Fuel-Altered at SIR" (c) 2007

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Winged_express "Nitro-Methane Fuel-Altered at the Southwestern International Raceway" (c) 2007 Stu Jenks

     Cathy's been here for about 20 minutes. I just got here. We both walked in looking like we simply belonged. Wish we had credentials though. I should have stopped and gotten us crew passes at the front gate, when we arrived at the strip tonight. (Five minutes later, we get kicked out for not having proper papers.)

     Cathy's seem very excited. Watching her from the stands, a few minutes ago, she looked calm as can be, just a professional photographer doing her job. But now, close up, you can tell her blood is really pumping. Hmm. It is pretty cool to be this close to the action, I guess.

     The next Nitro Methane Fuel Altered dragster comes to the line. An all black race car. He does his burnout. It shakes my body. Holy smokes! I'm standing a good number of feet away from a waist-high concrete barrier. I'm maybe twenty, thirty feet from the dragster. Oh my.

     Cathy and I position ourselves for the launch, leaning against the barrier. A safety man tells us we can't lean on the concrete. We take a couple steps back from the barrier. Cathy and I focus in with our long lens, waiting for the black monster to come off the line. I have my camera set at 1600 ASA, F/5.6, auto shutter speed, fast shutter drive, no flash. I find the shot. I pull my elbows in. I steady myself. I wait.

     The tuck-tuck-tuck-tuck of the black Fuel Altered car changes to a very high hum, signaling the launch is eminent. Then a sound occurs, like hundreds of thousands of very loud bees, extremely loud, angry Africanized bees. I push the shutter and hold it down. Pow, pow, pow goes the shutter. I try and pan with the car, but something happens. Being only about ten feet away now as the dragster speeds by, I begin to vibrate. First I feel the hair on my arms vibrate, then my chest, then my entire body, then I get hit by the jet-blast of the exhaust from the engine. I involuntarily back away from the explosions, the noise, the vibrations. I think I jumped a bit too, finger still on the shutter. I look down the track. 5 seconds later, the Nitro Methane behemoth crosses the finish line. Under 7 seconds, over 200 miles an hour. The crowd cheers.

     I look toward Cathy. Our eyes meet. I walk slowly up to her, lean over and haltingly say into her ear-plugged left ear.

     "Holy Fucking Shit!!!"

     Cathy smiles.

     "I'm so happy you were able to experience that," she says.

     It feels like my aura has just been blown west, into the next county.

     [Postscript: My heart didn't stop racing for thirty minutes. After we got booted, Cathy went to see if we could get credentials but they had already closed the office. Next time. I stood in line to get a couple of sodas for us while Cathy was away. It was a long line. I didn't care. I was still waiting for my aura to make its way back from Yuma County.]

     [PS #2: Top two photos by Stu Jenks. Third photo by Cathy Spann]

June 18, 2007

"Howard Gerstel and his 1975 Ford Pinto" (c) 2007

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"Howard Gerstel and his 1975 Ford Pinto" (c) 2007 Stu Jenks

     Howard is the Buddha of mechanics. Actually sometimes places his hands on a car when he is stumped, which isn't very often. He's been working on my Nissan Pathfinder for years, out of Micro Imports. Mic owns the shop. Dan and Nathan run the front desk. Susan orders the parts. Seth works on cars there as well.

     Mic got me free tickets to the Fuel Altered Nationals last Saturday (Read the "Nitro-Methane, Fuel-Altered" post). Besides the Nitros, the Fuel Altered and the other big rails, Super Pros, Pro Stocks, Box and No-Boxes, and a motorcycle or two also raced that night. Howard was simply amazing to watch, a 'killer' as Dan said. Made it all the way to the finals of the Box Racing Class. Red-lighted by .001 of a second at the launch in the finals and came in second. Fourth second-place finish for Howard. No wins yet and he really hungers for a win. But he is still a wonderful man in defeat, if you can call it that, as is his wife and crew chief Donna and his boy Joe, who are also very intimately involved in the racing.

     When the announcer said before Howard's semi-final run, 'That's Howard Gerstel and the Gerstel Racing Family from Sahuarita, Arizona', it made me smile. Donna philosophically said, after the final race that Howard lost, 'That's just racing' but you could see the disappointment in her and Howard's eyes.

     Second biggest highlight of the evening, after watching Howard's amazing semi-final run in which he clocked 9.602 with his break time of 9.60, was watching Howard's wife, Donna, meditate after the first run of the evening, on what Howard's new breakout time should be. For the first run she chose 9.62 seconds. She paused, thought, paused again, thought a little more and then wrote '9.60' on the windshield. Howard smiled and crooked his head a bit, as if to say, 'OK, honey, I hope the track is that fast.' With a 9.602 in the semis, it obviously was. And so was Howard. By the way, that's 139.67 miles per hour at the 1/4 mile.

     Howard races a 1975 Ford Pinto with a 434 cubic inch small block, that runs on alcohol fuel, grape-flavored alcohol as a matter of fact. Seems they have to put in an additive to keep the alcohol cooler, and while they're at it, they put in fruit flavoring. Grape and Strawberry are available. Howard runs Grape. I'll remember for a long time, Howard starting up his Pinto, car number 746M, backing it out of his pit, driving toward the staging area, and I'm standing there, watching him pull away, smelling the strong intoxicate of Racing Alcohol & Grape Kool-Aid.

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[Top & bottom photos, of the portrait of Howard, & of his final run by Stu Jenks; the middle photo of the Gerstel Racing Team during a burnout by Cathy Spann]

"Hot Water Canyon, Arizona" (c) 2007

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"Hot Water Canyon, Arizona" (c) 2007 Stu Jenks

[Not much Photoshopping here. Shot these trees in Agua Caliente Canyon, through my rose-colored prescription sunglasses, to get this effect]

"I Want My Country Back" (c) 2007

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"I Want My Country Back" (c) 2007 Stu Jenks

"That'll be $4.43, Sir" says the polite middled aged white cashier. I hand him the money for my two 20 ounce Coke Zeros, and for my cup of coffee.

He sees my shirt.

"I want my country back, too," he says.

Initially I'm surprised. White guy in his fifties, not a conservative? Then again, I'm 52 and I'm left of Genghis Khan.

I smile, as I accept my receipt and change.

"I'm about ready to tell 'em, they can keep it," I say.

The cashier chuckles.

I look around to see if there's anyone behind me in line. There isn't.

"And can you believe, that what they are focusing on this past week in Washington, was whether to pardon Scooter Libby or not?" I say with a bit of heat.

"Yea, while our boys are dying in Iraq," says the man, with his own fire.

I thank him and leave the mini-mart, walking to my truck that's parked at the gas pumps. As I stroll, I have a half grin on my face.

That white man give me hope.

June 15, 2007

"The Hoodoos of Coalmine Canyon" (c) 1999-2007

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“The Hoodoos of Coalmine Canyon, Arizona” © 1999, 2000, 2004 Stu Jenks; Story revised: June, 2007

    [Had a first this week. First time I ever got a unsolicited, rude, hateful email from a anonymous stranger about my writing and my Art work. Mostly about my writing. The subject line on the incoming email was "How Dare You". She was upset, maybe crazy. She said I had no right to speak for all of the Navajos & Hopis (didn't know I was), that I was clueless (I'll concede that), insulting (don't think so) and had a superiority complex (what the fuck?). And that no 'people' would ever adopt me (now that's just being mean!) She didn't say specifically what it was that I had written which had caused her to go off on me, but that line about not being adoption-worthy gave me a hint at where to look. I'm pretty sure my 'Hoodoos at Coalmine' story triggered this woman to flame me. I know it was a woman, white woman actually. She was naive enough to write me from her work IP and work email, using her real name in the email address. Took me all of a minute to google her and find out she teaches school on the Navajo Reservation. Saw a photo of her and everything.

     I wrote her back a brief 'just writing from what I've read, from what I've heard and from what I've seen' note, but that didn't seem enough. It did bother me what she said, actually angered and hurt me quite a bit, so I did re-read the story I had written and kinda winced. I did use some pretty gross generalizations and words like. 'Navajo are' and 'Hopi are'. I knew I was doing that at the time and I knew all Hopis and Navajos aren't one way or the other. I was just trying to be both funny and informative at the same time. 'Two bigots walk into a bar' is funny. 'Two guys who appear bigoted walk into a bar, but not all guys are bigots' isn't.

     Anyway, I decided to contact an Native American scholar friend of mine and have him read my story. I trust his opinion. Well, he told me upfront, that for people who didn't know me, some parts of my story could be seen as flip and that many Natives from on and off the rez are very sensitive to outsiders' views about them and their cultures. Not news to me really, but I knew what he meant. So I thanked my friend and went to editing the story just a bit.

     I don't feel like I'm caving to criticism, taking out a few lines, rewriting a paragraph or two. The main purpose of "The Hoodoos of Coalmine Canyon" story is to just show the reader, the End at Dawn of a Spiritual Road Trip to Visit Coalmine Canyon, and to explain how I took the photographs that morning. The thumbnail sketches of the life and history of the Navajo and Hopi people is just to give those who know little about the cultures, some information, some context. And to bring a bit of humor to the text as well.

     So below is the 2007 version of the story. Hope you like it, and if you want to read the original, it'll still be at www.stujenks.com under the Circle Stories section for a while, but I can pretty much guess the below edited version will still piss off the school teacher from the Rez if she happens to read it, and other people too. Well, you know my email address. Flame on, if you must. But to the teacher from up north, a word of advice. Next time, get an anonymous email account from Yahoo and don't use your real name. I ain't going to do anything for I'm a good person, trying to live by spiritual principles, but you might not be so lucky with the next person, if you continue to write unsolicited vitriol to strangers from work. They may drop a dime on you and call the principal at your school. Just a word to the wise.]

     “The Hoodoos of Coalmine Canyon, Arizona”

     I'm driving cross-eyed, rushing to meet the dawn. The sky is still black. It's 4 a.m. I'm north of Flagstaff on US 89, south of Tuba City, listening to Bruce Cockburn on the boom box that sits in the passenger seat of my 1985 Yellow Nissan King Cab truck. The truck has no power to speak of. Can't get the damn truck to pass emissions. 300,000 miles on the odometer. Third Carburetor. Bugs the hell out of me, but shouldn't complain. It does still get me to places like Coalmine Canyon.
     I've left the high alpines of Flag and have just driven past the Cameron Trading Post. Plenty of gas. Plenty of smokes. Another cup of weird Texaco coffee in me, that fake cappuccino with the flat foam. It's all right I suppose, once you put a splash of real Joe in it. Got plenty of diet soda in the cooler. Getting closer to Tuba now. Transmission hums a bit loud. Nothing wrong, just an old truck.
     Bruce sings "Apartheid in Arizona, slaughter in Brazil. If bullets don't get good PR, there's other ways to kill. Kidnap all the children, put 'em in a foreign system. Bring them up in no man's land where no one really wants them. It's a stolen land. Stolen land."
     The Hopi pretty much escaped the boarding school system from what I’ve been told, but that wasn't the case for the Navajo, whose reservation I just entered back at Cameron. Many Whites took in the Navajo kids or rather took the children, changed their clothes, forbid their language, cut their hair and tried to make them into little white boys and girls. Didn't work at all. Just pissed off the Navajos and left an ever greater divide between the Anglos and the Indians. Still some hurt, anger and sadness exist to this day.
     The Hopi and the Navajo were traditional enemies. Hated each other hundreds of years ago, still some hurt feelings between some of the members of the tribes now. From the Navajo perspective, they immigrated to this area and just wanted to have a little land to live on. From the Hopi perspective, the Navajo were uninvited guests, who attacked them on their mesas, and felt entitled to the land that wasn't theirs.
     Now that’s an oversimplification of things. I know that. Today, many traditional and modern Hopi and Navajo together fight Big Oil and Big Coal, trying to protect their individual and tribal rights and save their lands from exploitation. But people are people and much like some of my Southern brethren who still see Damn Yankee as one word and who still smart when they think about The War Between The States and about Reconstruction, some Navajos still mess with some Hopis out of spite and vica versa.

     Just a few years ago, the Rainbow People were looking for a place to have their annual smoke dope/have sex/act spiritual/eat macrobiotic/and dance till dawn event. A Navajo woman said you could have it on her land. The White Pseudo-Indians were thrilled to have it on Indian land. Only one problem. After hundreds of Rainbowers had arrived and set up camp, the local sheriff informed them that they weren't on Navajo-land but on Hopi-land, and the Hopis rightly wanted them to leave. The White boys and girls left, leaving behind a couple of days of shit in holes they had dug on the Hopi property.
     It’s a complicated thing, this relationship between Hopi, Navajo and White. Some hold on to old resentments. Some forgive and let go. Some go about their business and don’t make no never mind about any of it. Some continue to perpetrate against strangers and kin. People are People, white and native alike.

     "You've been leading me beside strange waters. Streams of beautiful, lights in the night", Cockburn sings on the boombox.
     I'm approaching Tuba on US 160. A line of dark gray to the east. Just a hint of morning. It's coming but not for a while. The red and purple of the Painted Desert mesas aren't visible yet, but soon. Now, the mesas are just deep black humps and lines against a lighter black sky. I drive past a crudely painted sign pointing toward dinosaur tracks, drive past the old Laundromat with red sand in the washing machines, and up the hill entering Tuba. I take a right at the Tuba City Truck Stop, which in any other little town would be a small breakfast cafe with a good sized parking lot to accommodate the semis. The decaying carcass of a Rezzie dog lies off the shoulder at the crossroad. (Some Navajos don’t touch dead things, so many dead dogs and cats just slowly rot and blow away on the Rez.)
     The Hopi village of Moenkopi is off to the right, perched on the cliffs that overlook the cornfields below. No corn now. Too late in the year. The gray to the east is getting bluest. Got to beat feet if I'm going to get to Coalmine before dawn.
     Coalmine Canyon (Coalmine for short) has been a sacred place for me since the mid-1980's, when a friend who used to live in Tuba told me about the place. At the time he asked me to promise not to take just anyone into Coalmine, so if I'm a little vague on directions from here on out, that's why. It's not as if you can't find it on a good AAA Indian Land map, but you'll have to do your own footwork. And be nice to the place, if you go there.
     Coalmine is called that, for part of its exposed strata is a thin vein of coal. You can see parts of the canyon from the paved road if you look left at the right time, but it doesn't jump out at you. Coalmine is actually a number of canyons falling off from a high mesa. Coalmine drops probably a good 800 to 1000 feet to the canyon floor. Its walls are pink, purple and white with a line of black, and the sandstone is so soft, you can easily crush it under foot. I’ve been told that neither traditional Hopi nor Navajo medicine men go to Coalmine Canyon for they believe it is haunted, and it is said that on a Full Moon night, you can see the Ghosts of Coalmine dancing across its pink walls. I've never seen the ghosts but one time years ago, when I hiked deep down into Coalmine, I felt energies of good and evil having a little battle. Maybe I was just too hungry or too tired or I just imagined the whole thing. Maybe. Maybe not. I've definitely felt Dead Places in there at times, and in those places I do not stay long. Whatever they are, the energies are very strong at Coalmine, both positive and negative. I've gone there to pray, to shoot, to grieve, to just sit, and be, for over 20 years.
     This morning I'm going to the eastern part of Coalmine, an area I've only been going to for the past 10 years or so. Trying to find the dirt road down into this section of Coalmine is as much about sensing the road as it is about seeing it, and in the dark, I slow down, way down, and continue to glance to the left. The paved road is straight in front and behind, for probably four miles either way. No traffic. Good. Ah, there it is. I slowly turn and take my old yellow truck onto the one lane track.
     Dirt roads on the Rez are 'subject to closure due to weather conditions' as they say. Translation: if it's been raining or snowing, getting back to grandma's house can be an adventure. The weather is dry this morning, but I do, out of habit, stop, get out, and check the ground. It's good and solid. The earth is a mixture of sand and dirt. More sand, less dirt. I go slowly but not too slow. Too slow and you may get stuck in the loamy soil. My truck is a 2 x 4, not a 4 x 4, so I have to keep my speed up, but not too much, for the shocks are just regular shocks. Plus my truck sounds like a box of rocks as it is. Knock it too much more and new rocks appear in the box. The current creaky rocks drive me nuts, now as it is. Slow but not too slow but not too fast. Try and find the balance amongst the noise. The story of my life.
     The one lane track descends down from the first level of mesa to the next level, but not the bottom of Coalmine. That's way down and miles away. No horses or cows in sight. No living creatures at all which is normal. The cows tend to be on the floor of Coalmine and the horses come and go all around the canyon. I turn off the boom box. The bouncing of the truck tends to make the tape sounds yowwy, and now I must be present, to say the least. The drop off to my right ain't a couple of feet but a couple hundred or so. Slowly bouncing I go down, down.
     I level off at the bottom of this hill, or rather the top of this next part of the mesa. Coalmine Proper is off to the left, still dark but visible as a space in Space, a darker Dark, and off to the east, the color black has more blue in it. The sun is coming. Probably a half hour away. Good. I'm almost there.
     Coalmine is the bottom of an ancient sea, without the water. Actually all of this area, for thousand of square miles, was underwater eons ago. On one of my earlier trips into Coalmine, I was shocked to find prehistoric oyster shells. Breaking them apart, I could smell the faint hint of natural gas. On the high mesas and in the canyon floor of Coalmine, premature quartz crystals are scattered about, along with small black basalt balls created from a distant volcano's eruption, a thousand years ago and about 40 miles to the South. Coalmine is part of the Colorado Plateau which cover parts of four states; Arizona, Utah, Colorado and New Mexico. The Colorado Plateau is one of the greatest places in the world to see sedimentary rocks. And here at Coalmine, its as if the rocks were not fully born, so soft and fragile, so chalky and ever eroding.
     The sun is coming. The black to the East is blue, and the old blue is orange. After only a few more miles, I come to a place to park, that is solid ground. I park and open the door of the Nissan to that dark before the dawn. Grabbing my tripod, my Rollei and my pinhole camera (for later-in-the-day shooting), I walk toward the rim of the canyon. The ground is soft with loom under my feet that makes little clouds as I walk. The baby crystals can be seen sparkling even in this dawn twilight. Careful. Watch your feet, Stu.
     White peninsulas of sandstone jut out into the canyon like the bows of old sailing ships. I step out onto one bow of sandstone to go to a special place, a ways out. I'm careful with my feet, as much as to not disturb the rock, as to not fall 800 feet. I reach my own personal prayer spot and set up my tripod and my camera. Compose the shot. Stop. Wait. Pray.
     Little black Hoodoos, three inches tall grow from the top of the white sandstone formation. (Hoodoos are rock towers that have more on top than on the bottom. Imagine a carrot sticking in the ground, big end up. Bryce Canyon in Utah is known for its 30 foot Hoodoos. Coalmine has some tall Hoodoos but there are not well known, thankfully.) I place the mini-Hoodoos at the bottom of my composition in the ground glass viewfinder of the Rollei. I attach a couple red filters on the Zeiss lens. I'm ready.
     Sun is coming. Lots of orange now but no sun-ball yet. Zippo is in hand. I open the shutter and walk with a purpose to the Hoodoos, paint a flame spiral with the Zippo above the little towers, go back to the Rollei and close the shutter. 15-second exposure tops. I repeat. Sun is almost here. Again the Zippo. Close shutter. Open Shutter. Zippo. Close. Wait.
     Then, like a light switch being flicked on, the Sun rises above the mesa and cuts a bright yellow slice on the far western wall of Coalmine Canyon, perhaps five miles away. Open the shutter. Zippo. Close. Advance film. Open. Zippo. Close. Four exposures. That should do it, I hope. The Sun is probably too hot, visually, for the flame spiral to show now, but the sunlight on Coalmine is glorious to see. I go to the far bow of this ship of stone and  just sit. Breathe and sit. And then sit some more. No photos. Just the Sun, Coalmine and I.
     I have a prayer I wrote for myself years ago, just so I can get centered in the morning. Frankly I forget to say this prayer as much as I remember these days. But on this morning, on the rim of Coalmine Canyon, I don't forget.

     I stand and face the blinding ball of the newly risen Sun
     "To the East, God and Humanness," I say softly.

     I turn 90 degrees and face toward Utah.
     "To the North, Courage and Vulnerability."

     Counterclockwise, I pivot and face the far side of Coalmine Canyon.
     "To the West, Self awareness and Forgiveness."

     One last turn, facing the sandstone bows of other ships.
     "To the South, Feelings and Wisdom."

     Motioning with my right hand high, I say,

     "To the Sky," then bringing my hand down I say,

    "And to the Earth," and lastly I make a circle in the air and say,

     "And to all that is,
     OK, God,
     Let's do it."

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June 14, 2007

"Banksy"

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[I used to want to run away with the circus and be an assistant to Andy Goldsworthy. Now, I want to fly over the pole and assist Banksy.]

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June 12, 2007

"Cheap Ore of The Copper Queens" (c) 2007

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"Cheap Ore of the Copper Queens" (c) 2007 Stu Jenks. [Cheap Ore used to be Lucy Lunchbox on the Furious Truckstop Waitresses. She is always JT, a very sweet woman, a very good soul to all sentient beings, and one of the star jammers on Tucson Roller Derby's Copper Queens. Last time the Queens played, I got some good images of Dirty Teri of CQ, but none of Cheap Ore. I promised JT that the next time they played, I would get a good shot or two of her. I think I did. I especially like the image of JT with her number one finger in the air. Thanks to Chuck for loaning me his $1700, f 2.8, 70-200mm gyro lens for the shoot. And by the way, The Copper Queens beat The Iron Curtain, 106 to 71 last Saturday night.]

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"The New FTW Team and Indy Photos" (c) 2007

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"The New FTW Team and Indy Photos" (c) 2007 Stu Jenks. [Team and Individual photos of Tucson Roller Derby's Furious Truckstop Waitresses. I was very hot that day, but the women cowgirled up, put on their makeup, and faced the camera like the champs they are. By the way, the best group shot was orchestrated by the girls, not by me, i.e. the casual shot around the barbecue. I did the formal lineup shot in front of the metal fence. Kind of dull if you ask me, but the girls sitting around the campfire was the Waitresses idea. Also, each individual shot was suggested, pretty much, by each of the women, from the elastic gum to the cash in the bosom; from the pink flamingo to the pulling of hair. From left to right in the BBQ group shot, we have Sloppy Flo, Sunny Sideup, Eeka, Sassy Sue, Jezebelle, Deadlock Doe, Ginger Railer, Peaches Rodriguez, Ruby Hellcat and All Night Dinah. From top to bottom of the individual shots, the women are Sloppy Flo, Ruby Hellcat, Sunny Sideup, Peaches Rodriguez, Eeka, Deadlock Doe and Ruby Hellcat, and Ginger Railer. Support your local Roller Derby. You'll be happy you did.]
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June 11, 2007

"Wink & a Nod" (c) 2007 Cathy Spann

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"Wink & a Nod" (c) 2007 Cathy Spann [From her ongoing Dreams Series]

June 06, 2007

"The First Fire Basket" (c) 2007

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"The First Fire Basket: at Home" (c) 2007 Stu Jenks

[Weaving the Zippo up and down, and making the passes closer together and a little bit wider, a single flame spiral becomes a full fire basket. Taken last night in my bedroom at the Owlery. And unlike the night before, this fire basket was not a blessed accident. It may be called 'The First Fire Basket' but it was around basket number eleven or so. Like a beginning potter throwing a bowl, each vessal was better than the one before. Number eleven seemed to be the best of the night. I suppose the more fire baskets I weave, the better I'll get at weaving them. Like the old Yankee saying: 'How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice.' May be time to take this show on the road now: to the desert, to the forest, to the open air.]

June 05, 2007

"Flame Spiral in the Bedroom" (c) 2007

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"Flame Spiral in the Bedroom" (c) 2007 Stu Jenks

     The A/C is very cold in my bedroom. You could hang meat. Very nice. It's still quite hot outside. Over a hundred today. Had a vision while walking this afternoon, of Zippo flame spirals. Still learning how to shot night photography with the Canon D30. (Really don't like the huge download and noise reduction time after I've shoot a time exposure image. I'm used to just closing the shutter of my Rollei and simply advancing the film.) I did some tests in my bedroom at sunset. Now I'm shooting for real, but the results are just too busy for my taste. Too much flame. Tried a hoop dance too with the English String Lights but there is just too much light there. Too close to the camera, too many reflective surfaces, not enough open air and I can only stop it down so much.

     I open the shutter and again walk barefoot to the rounded footboard of my ancient bed. (My bed is an old Virginia Pine Sleigh Bed built around the time of the American Civil War.) I flick open the Zippo and light it up. I begin to draw a flame spiral but halfway up, it feels too fat, too broad. I click-closed the Zippo, walk to the Canon D30 and close the shutter. A little red light burns on the camera body, telling me it's cleaning and uploading the image. Will take a while. Again, mixed feelings on this. Don't care for the long wait to take another image, but I do like, that in a minute or two, I'll see if the flames spiral I've drawn is to my liking. Don't have to wait a day to develop the negs and look at a proof sheet. The red light eventually goes out and the image appears on the back of the camera. I just casually look at it, thinking it wouldn't be very good, but then I pause. Well I'll be. This 'flawed' spiral is better than all the ones I'm been trying to draw so far tonight, and it's kind of nice that you can see me in the photo as well. Not many recent self portraits of me out there. Don't like that I look a little fatter than I really am in my fuzzy black t-shirt. I ain't going gently into that good night of Middle Age, I tell you. I smile. Yep, once again, it's all about me.

     I shoot a few more flame spirals, trying two, then three spirals at a time at the foot of the bed. Long exposure, not-so-long exposures. The spirals begin to look like light bowls. Not quite working but with practice, maybe in the future I'll throw a flame bowl that I like.

     Then I hear that voice that I've heard for years.

     "It's in the can."

     Now I can actually look inside of the 'can'. I push a button on the back of the D30 and review what I've shot tonight, squatting behind the camera on its tripod, feeling the cool wall-to-wall carpet on my feet. I chuckle to myself. The story of my artistic life. It appears the best image is the throwaway image where I felt I did a poor job of light-painting, the self portrait with the stout spiral. Glad I didn't push the 'delete' button earlier.

     I detach the camera from the tripod, take it into the living room, connect it to my Apple and begin to download the images into IPhoto. It'll take about 15 minutes. I think I'll finish watching last week's episode of The Sopranos that a friend burned on DVD for me. Then I'll work on the image of me and a flame spiral in my bedroom.

 [Note: I just cropped and desaturated the RAW file, to get the muted look in the above image you see. I know it's not a world class image but it is a nice shot that not only hints at how I do the Flame Spirals, but also shows, in the shadows, a few of my sacred objects and a few of my favorite older images. And there is a slight air of romance to the photo too. It is me and my bedroom after all. Again, it's all about me.]

"Spraying the Cattle with DDT" (c) 1948, 2007

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"Spraying the Cattle with DDT" (c) 1948, 2007 Stu Jenks and an unknown photographer.

[An image from the library of Crane Day. Crane grew up on ranches in Oklahoma and Kansas. He's the young boy in the center of the photograph. Back in the day, they would spray the cows with DDT, a strong now-banned insecticide. Seems cows lost weight from the constant turning of their heads to shoo flies off their backs, so by spraying them with DDT, the cattle wouldn't turn their heads so much and you could keep the weight on them. Crane's father is the man to the right of Crane, with the hose in his hand. The photographer is unknown. I had a scan done of the old negative, cleaned it up and toned it. A snapshot of the West from 60 years ago.] (Note: Click on the JPEG and it will get larger)

"Angela at Night" (c) 2006, 2007

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(In honor of that week in Georgia, a year ago...a Story of Desire & Donuts)

“Angela at Night”

© 2006, 2007 Stu Jenks
[Image: "Angela at Night"]

June 10th, 2006

    My heart is racing. I’m feeling a little out of my body and a little too deep inside of it, all at the same time. A good feeling but perhaps dangerous, for I can barely see the Interstate through the high levels of testosterone and adrenaline rushing through my veins.
    The rental compact KIA is humming along at 80 miles an hour. Everyone is driving 80 miles an hour on I-75, southeast of Atlanta. Been like this for the last two hours. I thought we drove fast in the desert. Not like here.
    I think back to yesterday at the Mythic Journeys 2006 conference. Great but not so great. Actually pretty fucking shitty at times, yet wonderfully balanced, at others, by the exceptional food, the good drink and the wonderful company in the evening. But yesterday afternoon was a mind fuck.
    The panel I was on entitled “What the Soul looks like” started out good enough. Brief intros by each of the panelists. Each from a very different discipline. An older man who runs a spiritual retreat in North Carolina; a middle aged woman who is a Jungian psychiatrist; the other featured visual artist at Mythic Journeys 2006 who studied with a Sufi master, and me, Art boy from Tucson, Arizona. The moderator was a very nice guy from the Joseph Campbell Institute. Liked him then, liked him later. I can’t say the same for the other three folk.
    The discussion began with talks on soul and spirit. I was next to the moderator so I started first and we worked our way down the line. I talked about what I saw as the differences between Soul and Spirit. The Soul is eternal, interconnected with all souls, indestructible. When I die my Soul goes back to be with all the other Souls, but my Spirit? That’s another thing. It isn’t eternal. My Spirit dies when my body dies, my Spirit can be hurt, diminished, destroyed, by myself or by others. But my Spirit can grow and blossom and be of great use to others and myself while I’m alive. That was part of my pitch. Later on I referred to Peter Gabriel, to Addictions a bit, a little about Intuition and Desire. I didn’t say fuck once. Two ‘craps’ and one ‘prick’ is all. Thought I was doing ok.
    One problem.
    The three people to my right hated me. Iced me out of the conversation around the 15-minute mark. Don’t have a clue why. Basically they just talked among themselves and won’t acknowledge me. After about an hour, I politely confronted one of their ideas, in an attempt to be brought back into the circle of conversation. The Jungian woman talked about having The Surrender, which I said I didn’t understand for I see surrendering as a life long process, done quite often. They looked at me like I was an idiot, and even arrogantly chuckled in my direction. Granted, some of my emotional baggage from childhood is about being ignored by loved ones who wouldn’t talk to me, and I’m sure that fueled some of my anger, but being so rude as to usher me out of the discussion? Well...that just pissed me off. I wanted to take off their heads, especially the arrogant asshole from North Carolina that spoke in cryptic messages. At one point, he answered a question with some poetic mumbo jumbo and the Jungian woman to his right was so in awe that she said ‘Did you just make that up? That was amazing.’ I kept my tongue but I felt like saying “You know, I went to college and I’m pretty smart but that didn’t make one bit of sense to me. I think you’re just trying to appear like you’re a great spiritual man when in actuality you’re just an egomaniacal prick.”
    I was good. I didn’t say that.
    Later on though, at the bar, I ran into a number of the people who were not on the panel but who were in the audience, and I did let fly then.
    I said to them, (two women, one man, all attractive), that there were two reasons I didn’t take off that asshole head and shit down his neck.
    One, it would make me look bad, and two, it would have diluted the entire message of Surrender, and Spirit and Balance I was trying to get across.
    Still royally pissed me off though.
    The two women and the one guy at the bar did mention that they could tell I was angry but that they were impressed how I handled myself. The guy said you were the only one who was Real and not trying to impress us, and one of the women said that it was wonderful to watch you model behavior that she would like to do someday.
    I smiled and laughed with them. They had booze, I had a Diet Coke. We had a great time that night.
    But it’s still fucking with my head, this Saturday afternoon, and I have to admit, that I’m not real hip on hanging out with folk like that today.
    I think I need to go to Savannah and see if I can’t get laid. It's been a long time. Angela said to come on down.
    But I got a feeling about something, and I need to check it out.
    I see an exit up ahead. The land here is flat farmland. Beautiful with rows of pines around the edges of the large fields. I see a gas station. I stop and get some fuel, and then park off to the side and make a call on my cell phone.
    “Hello,” she says.
    “Hey, Angela, it’s me,” I say.
    “Hey, where are you?”
    “Just past Dublin,” I say.
    “You’re about a hour away,” she says.
    “That’s what I figure,” I say.
    “Let me give you directions to where I can meet you. My dad suggests that we met near the airport.”
    “Before you do that, Angela, I got to be honest about something.”
    “What’s that?”
    “That what I would really like to do when I get there is find a hotel and put you in it,” I say.
    Dead air on the phone.
    “Well, let’s just take it slow and play it by ear,” she says.
    “That’s fine. I just wanted to be upfront about my intentions,” I say.
    “OK,” she says, “Here’s where I think we should met.”
    She gives me directions to a Wal-Mart outside of Pooler, Georgia. I write the directions down. Tell her I’ll call her when I get off the Interstate. She say bye. I say bye. I get back on I-16, a little crestfallen.
    I’m not going to have hot sex tonight. Then again, I could make that same statement every night for the last year, and be accurate.

    But Angela is quite a passionate person, a woman who on the phone just a couple weeks ago said, that from what she can tell by my pictures on the web, from the sound of my voice, and from our long art-filled deep conversations on the phone…well, that she’d love to fuck my brains out, if she had the chance. Almost a direct quote.
    But Momma didn’t raise no fool. Actually Momma did raise me to be naïve and foolish, but after years of active drug addiction and a few years of recovery, I know a few things now.
    And I know “Let’s go slow” means “Not tonight.”
    Shit.
    Nothing I can do about it. Just accept that that’s the way it is.
    Let’s just try and have a good time. It’s not that often that I get to have dinner with a vibrant sexy smart blond that thinks I'm attractive.
    Oh, Oh, I think.
    She might not find me fetching after all. All she’s seen are JPEGs of me and as I told her, I look better in photos than I do in real life. I remember she asked why is that. I laughed and said ‘Some of my friends are photographers and they know how to make me look good.’
    God help me, if she thinks I’m just an old wrinkly Art-Boy.
    Sweet Jesus, God help me.

    I’m standing outside my rental car, in the late afternoon sun, smoking a cigarette, in a Wal-Mart parking lot in Pooler, Georgia. Not exactly Faulkner, but not that far from it either. Waiting to see Angela for the first time.
    I see a beat up old Cadillac cutting across the parking lot with a blond behind the wheel. The blond is smiling. I bet that’s her. She sees me and drive toward me, parking the Caddy next to my KIA. With a big smile on her face, out steps a beautiful blond woman. 5’8” at least, in tan short shorts and a tight spaghetti strap top. Her breasts are obviously real by the slight bounce they have as she walks and they are being presented to me as if they are food on a serving tray. She was right. She does look better than her photographs.
    We hug. She gives me a little pat on the back as we hug. I hate that, but I’ll let it go. We break the hug and we stand almost nose to nose with each other.
    “Hey Angela, I’m Stu,” I say laughing.
    “Hi, Stu. Good to meet you.”
    As I drive us away from the Wal-Mart, I can sense her eyes on me. I turn and look toward her, look into her eyes. She is not unhappy with my appearance so far as I can tell. I may be a fool but the vibe does seem to suggest that she wants to have hard passionate sex with me too. Maybe not right now, but someday. I feel my dick get semi-hard.
    We get back on the Interstate and head toward Downtown Savannah.

    Dinner at the tourist trap along the harbor was nothing special. Loud drunks behind us. Angela and I talked about this and that. She talked a lot about her recent trip to Ireland, me, about the Mythic Journeys conference up the road. After dinner, she showed me around her hometown. Spanish moss in all the trees, orange Sun going down. We left downtown and walked deep into an Old Victorian neighborhood just to the South. Angela is talking a mile a minute, about her ex-boyfriend, about ghosts, about the Irish, about her ex again. Seems like she isn’t as over him as she thinks she is. Kind of breaks my heart. I've fallen a little for this woman and sure, I don’t think it’s going to go anywhere, not beyond a brief sexual fling, nor anything long term. Still, it makes me kind of sad. My heart has opened to her whether I like it or not.
    It’s around 8 and I just want to drive back to Atlanta, but she wants to show me this old house and that dark park and that special place. I oblige.
    We stop after a bit for ice cream on our way back to the car. We make more small talk. I still have a semi hard in my pants. Can’t help it. While she talks about something at the ice cream parlor, I barely listen. I'm think about my trip back up the road. It’s four hours back to Atlanta. Going to miss the Saturday night jam session with Charles and Mary Ann. Fuck. The price of love I suppose. The price of the hope of a horizontal mumbo, more like it. But I had to know. I had to see Angela in the three dimensions.
    Back at my rental now, in the small parking lot right on the harbor. A Coast Guard cutter has come in since I parked here hours ago. Angela’s talking about the yachting business now, all the money to be made. Bit boring to me. I say nothing. Just nod. Been nodding a lot the past 3 hours. You think I talk a lot. You should meet Angela.
    We climb into my KIA. Tourists walks on the sidewalk in front of us. Angela’s talking about something, and then she stops. I put the key in the ignition and I don’t turn it. I look over to her. She looks at me. I lean over and place one hand on her cheek as I gently kiss her on the mouth. Just a short kiss. I then lean back in my seat and fix to turn the ignition when Angela says…
    “That was short,” a slight annoyance in her voice.
     I take my hand off the car keys. I take off my glasses, throw them on the dashboard with a bit of flair, mind you, and dive right in. Both hands on her face, our tongues now involved. My right hand runs through the hair on the back of her head, and then I gently tug it. He moans. She then grabs me a bit, pulling me tight into her kissing, into her breasts. I grab a bigger handful of hair. We get into a rhythm now. And then, after an unknown while, the rhythm slows and our kiss ends. I gently let go of her hair. I slowly back away and settle back into my driver’s seat. I stare straight ahead, saying nothing. I glance over at Angela. She’s doing the same thing. Straight ahead, fifty yard stare.
    “Wow,” I say softly.
    “Yea…Wow, “ she says, still looking out of the windshield.
    I start the car and back out of the parking place. We don’t talk for at least a minute. Then, I talk now, about God-knows-what. She laughs. I laugh. We’re laughing a lot now. Soon we’re back on the Interstate, heading back to Pooler and her car. Just talking about this and that but there is a slight lilt to our voices now. Hap, hap, happy.
    We skirt the edge of the airport. A Red Roof Inn sign peaks above the pines. Angela is talking again about Ireland. I look at the Red Roof sign and feel sad. Won’t be going there tonight. Pity.
    Soon we’re back at the Wal-Mart, the KIA idling next to her Caddy.
    “Well, It was great to finally meeting you, Angela,” I say.
    “Thanks for driving down, Stu. And buying dinner. We’ll talk soon,” she says.
    “Angela,” I say, “Come here.”
    Another handful of hair. Our kissing a little deeper, more comfortable. Our second kiss. Her body moans and begins to sway. She giggles into my mouth. Our rhythm increases. My other hand squeezes her waist. I moan now.
    Then she slows and stops and breaks the kiss.
    “I gotta stop,” she say, breathlessly, “If I don’t stop now, this will go where I don’t want it to go tonight.”
    “Don’t worry, “ I say, “ I won’t let you.”
    “Yea, right.”
    “No, really. You stated earlier that you didn’t want to have sex tonight, and even though I really want to, I won’t let us.”
    Angela looks at me with the look of ‘What kind of fool do you think I am?’
    I stare right back at her with my look of ‘No. Really. I ain’t going to fuck you tonight.”
    She doesn’t believe me. But it’s true. I won’t fuck her now. I know this place. She isn’t teasing me. She just doesn’t want to turn this into ‘Just a Fuck’. She actually likes me and wonders if there might be more than just a vacation fuck here. And I know if she fucks me now, after making that decision hours ago not to fuck me, that in the morning she will hate herself and hate me a little too. Been there. Done that. Don’t want to do it again.
    “Take care, honey. Drive home safely,” I say to her.
    “You too. Be safe. I’ll talk with you soon,” she says.
    She gets out of the car quickly. She really doesn’t trust herself, I can tell. I smile. Nice knowing that I can still drive a woman a bit crazy with my kissing. I’ll take that.
    I grin and wave as she gets in her car. She starts up the Cadillac, and away she goes. One little glance from her is all. Then she’s gone.
    Minutes later, I’m on the Interstate, heading back to Atlanta.

    Midnight, West of Dudley, Georgia.

    Need to get some coffee. Still a couple hours plus from Atlanta. Probably get back after two a.m. Shoot. Would have loved to have jammed with Charles tonight, but I pretty much knew that wasn't going to happen. I had to see her. I had to know.
    The KIA hums along at 75 mph. I see a sign advertising Shell Oil a mile ahead. I rub my testicles through my pants. Seems I got a little case of blue balls tonight. Didn’t even know I was walking around with that much of a woody tonight. Well, yea, I did. I just tried to ignore it. I sigh, then give a half grin. That’s all I can muster right now.
    I exit the Interstate and get on a two lane country road. Nothing on it but a Shell station on the other side of the bridge. I cross the bridge and pull into the gas station, then pull up to the pumps. I turn off the engine and then I notice something wondrous through the plate glass windows of the station.
    Something that will make my blue balls feel just a bit better.
    Something that will take a bit of the sting off not having sex with Angela tonight.
    There, inside a large brightly lit white plastic cupboard are dozens and dozens of Krispy Kreme Donuts.
    Two Chocolate Crème filled and two Original Glazed, please.
    Here I come.

 

June 03, 2007

"The Salon Des Refuses vs. The Arizona Biennial" (c) 2007

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"The Salon Des Refuses: Dinnerware Contemporary Arts vs. The Arizona Biennial: Tucson Museum of Art" (c) 2007 Stu Jenks

[Art from top to bottom: Catherine Nash, "Pines at Night": Encaustic with Mixed Media: 2006 (Detail); Penelope Starr, "Stories Series 720": Mixed Media: 2007 (Detail), & Stu Jenks, "Cedar Breaks Star Circle, Utah": Giclee Print: 2007; from the Salon Des Refuses Show]

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               I was all full of piss and vinegar two weeks ago, to write reviews of Tucson Museum of Art’s Biennial Show and Dinnerware’s Salon Des Refuses Show, but most of the energy and emotion of that opening night has evaporated like some much Monsoon rain off a hot summer Tucson street. But regardless of the lack of flame and fire I feel now, I still have some thoughts that I’d like to share.
               It won’t take too long.
               [Ok. It will. I have a lot to say. Big surprise.]
               I applied to the Biennial this year, like I do every two years. I got into the show in 1999, but haven’t since. I try not to be disappointed when I’m not accepted but I always am. I feel that I’m one of Arizona’s reasonably good artists and I know I’m not entitled to the recognition, but I still crave it just a bit. Like a child who seeks out his daddy’s never-coming approval, I seek admission in the TMA Biennial every other year and except for one time, Big Art Daddy has barred the door.
                I entered three pieces this year. Days before I found out whether I made it into the Biennial, I went to see the guest curator who judged the show, speak to the public. She was there with a couple other visiting museum curators and with Tucson’s own Julie Sasse.
                [Julie Sasse is the curator of Contemporary Art at the Tucson Museum of Art and is a fine artist in her own right. She is one of the most well rounded and truly open minded people I have ever known in the Art World. She appreciates Beauty and Design as much as she likes Statement and Idea. Thank God for Julie.]
                Julie moderated the panel discussion, asking really good questions, about Art in Central and South America, about the pressure put on curators to buy Art for their museums that fall into a certain approved genre by their museum boards, about the importance or lack of importance of Originality. Very good questions Julie asked. Really cerebral and frankly bullshit answers given by the most of the curators.  And one question really stuck in my mind.
               Q: Does an artist need to be educated to be a good artist? Does an artist need to go to a university or major art school and study art, in order to be a good Contemporary artist?
               Here’s the answer that the woman who judged the Biennial gave.
               “I know this will upsets some people, and when I said this a few weeks ago, I made some of my friends mad, but I have never met a good stupid artist.”
               Standing in the back that night, I thought, ‘Wow, what a pompous ass.’
               I left the panel discussion after about 30 to 40 minutes. They were still talking. I thought of staying just so I could ask this:
               “Yes, I have a question, and I know this is a leading question but I heard you say earlier that you’ve never met a good stupid artist but wouldn’t you have to agree that coming out of our university art departments, we have a plethora of bad, smart ones?”
               But I left and never asked the question. Mostly because I knew my motives sucked. I didn’t want to hear what the curator had to say on that question. I have an idea what her response would have been. I just wanted to tell her what I thought, and frankly, embarrass her or at least make her just a little bit uncomfortable, and that wouldn’t have been nice. My Southern genteelness wouldn’t permit me. So I left as quietly as I could.
               As I walked to the car, I thought it would be a miracle if she picked my stuff.
               A few days later, I found out the miracle didn’t occur. I was not selected for the 2007 Biennial.

               But that’s not the end, thanks to David Aguirre, Molly McClintock and the folk at Dinnerware Contemporary Arts, and again, Julie Sasse from the Tucson Museum of Art.
               Two years ago, the story goes that David and Julie put their collective creative heads together and came up with the Salon Des Refuses, a show of all those who didn’t get into the Biennial. Maybe it was primarily David’s idea. I don’t know for sure. Anyway, Julie gave David and Molly the mailing list of those who were rejected from the 2007 Biennial. David and Molly sent out letters saying roughly, if you, the artist, would like to, we, at Dinnerware, would like to have one of the three pieces that didn’t make it into the TMA show (preferably a smaller one for Dinnerware is on the tiny side). Please bring it by on such and such a date, we will put it on our walls salon-style and we will have our opening night after TMA has its opening on Friday, May 18th, 2007.
               I submitted something two years ago to the Refuses, but this year I took it too seriously, thinking I wanted to submit the actual piece that would have been in the Biennial to the Salon and thought it would take up too much space and be too costly too (even though I was more than willing to pay the hundreds of dollars to frame the image for Tucson Museum of Art, if I got into the Biennial, hypocrite that I am.) So I wrote David and Molly an email saying I don’t think I’ll be putting in a piece this year. From their return email, I could tell they were a little disappointed but accepting nonetheless.                 (David, Molly, Dinnerware and I have had a close relationship for a few years now. They have asked me on a couple of occasions to play ambient synthesizer music at openings. David in particular has listened to me rant about Anne Marie Russell and the insanity at The Toole Shed, prior to my leaving there. And I have donated some work to them for the semi-annual art auctions that partly helps to keep Dinnerware afloat.)
                Time past. I took pictures. I wrote. I sang. I worked. I kissed my girlfriend.
                Then one morning I was reading through the free monthly ‘Downtown Tucson’ newspaper, drinking a cup of Ike’s Coffee when I noticed a photo of some flowers that looked really familiar.
                Wow, that looks similar to one of my flower shots, I thought.
                I looked at the credit line. It said, “Stu Jenks shows at Dinnerware. Salon Des Refuses opens on Friday, May 18th from 7 to 9 p.m.”
                You sneak